


Klangst

by TheGoodKindOfNerdy



Series: Voltron Junk [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cuddles, Cute, Depression, Fights, Fluff, Hurt Lance (Voltron), KEITH MOM, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance is pretty messed up, Langst, M/M, One-Shots, Panic Attacks, Sadness, Self-Harm, Sign Language, Therapist Pidge, Trouble, beaten up, klance, sort of messed up in the head lance, voices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-02-19 15:42:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13126767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoodKindOfNerdy/pseuds/TheGoodKindOfNerdy
Summary: ANGSTY ONE-SHTS FOR KLANCE. not all good endings, some very fluffy endings though.Also, i dunno when i'll stop, we're just gonna see how far this takes usChapter Titles:Chapter Titles-1-Voiceless2-Useless3-Journal4-Dresses5-Our Rings6-Lost7-Forgotten8- A Punchable Face9-Why Is My Body So Hideous





	1. Voiceless

“Could you  _ shut up _ Lance?” Keith asked, glaring at Lance as he tried to work. Lance laughed. “Yeah, sure, sorry.” Lance said.

 

Lance walked across the room to Allura. “Hey, what’cha working on?” he asked. Allura side glanced him. “The mice are trying to tell me something they found out. apparently , they overheard some aliens last planet saying some things about the Galra. This could be vital information.” Lance nodded as he listened and watched the mice squeak and dance, well, not exactly dane, but make some weird motions.

 

“What are they saying?” Allura glared at Lance. “Lance, i would really appreciate it if you were quit. I’ trying to listen.” Lance frowned but quickly smiled. “Yeah, sure Princess.”

 

Lance backed away and sat next to pidge who was fiddling with her computer. “Hey Pidg--” “Not now Lance, i’m soooo close to hacking into Zarkon’s main control system.” Pidge interrupted. Lance nodded and stood up, walking into the kitchen were Coran and Hunk were making food as they talked. 

 

“And this other time, Princess Allura and I ran into these Space Pirates that…” Coran was talking to Hunk as Hunk bustled about, making some weird soup. 

 

“Hey you guys, what are you talking ‘bout?” Lance asked. The two glanced at him, obviously annoyed by his presence. “Well, you see. Coran was telling me about his adventures when he was younger.” Hunk said as he closed an oven like door.

 

Lace nodded, smiling. “Really? Did you get into any battles?” Lance asked. Coran nodded. “Yes indeed! Princess Allura and i have been in many battles before we met you paladins!” Coran looked at the ceiling in thought. “Ah, i was telling a story but you interrupted. I can’t remember where i was…” Coran muttered.

 

Lance shrugged. “Ah, sorry Coran.” Lance apologized, his smile growing weaker. “It’s alright. I needed to ask Number Five something anyway.” Coran said as he left the kitchen. Hunk frowned a little. “Man, i wanted to hear his story, lance.” Lance shrugged. “Sorry man.” 

 

~~~

 

“SHIRO ISN’T DEAD I’M TELLING YOU!’’ Keith yelled at dinner. Allura growled out. “WE DON’T KNOW WHERE HE IS, KEITH. WE NEED TO FIND HIS REPLACEMENT.” 

 

“Guys I--” “LANCE, NOT NOW.” Allura yelled. 

 

“If we went to Zarkon’s ship, i could find any information about Shrio.” Pidge offered. Keith rolled his eyes. “Pidge, you just want to look for your brother.” Pidge stood up. “NOT TRUE KEITH!” 

 

“You guys, i seriously think we sh---” “LANCE, NOT NOW!” Keith yelled. 

 

“Guys, we should stop fightin-” “HUNK THIS IS PART OF YOUR FAULT THAT SHIRO’S GONE!” Keith yelled.

 

Hunk’s eyes widened. “OH YEAH? HOW IS IT?” The normally calm Hunk yelled. 

 

“PALADINS W MUST CALM DOWN!” Allura yelled. 

 

“Guys we should really--” 

 

“NOT NOW LANCE!!!” Everyone yelled this time. Lance swallowed and stood up. “Fine, i’ll just leave.” 

 

“Good, go ahead. It’ll be quieter without you.” Keith said. Lance turned away from them and ran to his room. 

 

_ Just be quiet. That’s all they want. _ Lance thought as he sat on his bed.  _ Don’t make noise. Be quiet. _

 

~~~

 

They found Shiro two weeks after. Everyone celebrated, cheered and had drinks. “Shiro!” was said multiple times. 

 

Shiro smiled, looking at his fellow paladins, but, something felt off. It wasn’t as festive as usual, too quiet. Shiro looked at Lance in question. 

 

Lance just smiled softly at Shiro, and widely to show he was glad he’s back.

 

~~~

 

One week had gone by and by thi point, everyone noticed Lance’s unusually quiet behavior. Some asked him about it, but he’d just shrug. 

 

I fact, he’d stop talking all together, never said a word to anyone. He drank water a lot more though, like, a lot. One day, Keith had pulled him aside and asked him about it, but Lance shook his head and walked away.

 

Everyone was worried even Allura. They’d ask him everyday why he was so quiet, or tell him they were there if he wanted to talk. Whenever someone said that though, his eyes would widened and he’d shake them off, running to his room. 

 

~~

 

Finally, Keith was tired of the blue paladins quietness, his unresponding. He dragged Lance into the kitchen and handed him an Altean version of paper and a pen.

 

“Why haven’t you been talking lately?” Keith asked. LAce smiled weakly. So they really hadn’t noticed. Hadn’t noticed his increase of drinking water. They hadn’t noticed the thin scar along the side of his neck. Hadn’t noticed his day of absence when they visited the smart aeins from Miragari or whatever.

 

Lance picked up the pen and wrote a few words on the paper. Keith picked it up. 

 

_ I was told to shut up. _

 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “A while ago yeah, but we’re fine now if you talk. We were under a lot of stress that week. It’s okay if you talk now, no one’ll yell.” Keith said. Lance would’ve laughed, if he could at least. 

 

He wrote down on the paper again. This time, Keith’s face paled as he read the note.

 

_ I can’t talk anymore. I got my vocal cords removed. _ Lance smiled at Keith who looked appalled.

 

“Why would you do that?” Keith shouted. Lance shrugged. 

 

_ I was told to shut up. _

 

“But we didn’t mean forever.” Keith argued.

 

_ You guys always told me to shut up, for weeks straight. What was i supposed to do? _

 

“Not get your vocal cords removed.” Keith said. 

 

_ Sorry _

 

“Don’t be sorry. It’s our fault. Just, here, give me hug. I’m sorry man.” Keith moved around the kitchen counter and hugged Lance, who wrapped his arms around Keith. “Dude, i’m so sorry, i-we didn’t know.” Keith muttered into Lance’s hair. Lance nodded.

 

~~~

 

It’s been a few days, but word about Lance’s surgery got ‘round. At first Shiro had scolded everyone for not even thinking about Lance’s feelings, or for watching him when they were on Miragari. 

 

Pidge had taught Lance sign-language. At first, she tried making him a modification so he could speak, but he had started to cry and pushed her away when she tried.

 

So for now, everyone was learning sign-language.

 

Lance sat at the kitchen table, drawing on the multitude of paper they now had. Since Lance’s “talent” of speaking was gone, he now drew a lot. He was pretty decent in the skill and often drew the other paladins, more often than not, Keith.

 

He of course hid the drawings, didn’t want anyone making fun of him. He especially hid them from the red paladin. Lace had many pictures of what he thought Keith would dress in on earth, most the generic Hot Topic outfits. Others were him Galra-fied, some with him in the midst of battle and others, completely in red and random sketches.

 

Pidge had been the only to find out about the drawings, but instead of making fun of him, she’d given him ips on how to draw Keith, such as “his hair is a little longer, fraying out above his shoulders.” or “maybe add a beanie to his hair, it look cool.” 

 

Every now and and, Lance would show her a picture he’s drawn ad she’d smile and save it on a hard drive for him so he’d never lose it. 

 

Nt just Pidge though was being nicer to him. When they went to new planets, Shiro would follow with Lance and help him, more or less, flirting with girls. Of course, they were way more interested after learning he was now a ute, they’d coo over him and saying things like, “poor thing” or “How tragic.” 

 

Normal Lance would’ve loved it, but that’s changed a while ago. 

 

Lance started helping Hunk with cooking, learning and teaching Hunk some cooking techniques. 

 

Allura taught Lance how to communicate with the mice without speaking. Lance loved the mice, they would tell him gossip about the others, sometimes even Allura.

 

Ance would listen to Coran’s stories for hours. Listen about the time he and Allura had to run from Pirates, or the time Coran once “accidently” set an entire planet on fire.

  
  


Keith, well, there’s lots of things Keith did for Lance now. And things Lance did for Keith. For instance, even though Lance had written and signed multiple times it was ridiculous, Keith read Lance stories to sleep. Keith would tell him fairy tales, or novels, sometime even stories of how he got kicked out of garrison, or just secrets. 

 

Sometimes, when Keith was overwhelmed, like before battles, or when Shiro was on another mission and Keith was in charge of Voltron, Lance would help him calm down. A lot of nights, Keith and Lance would fall asleep talking to each other and would wake up wrapped up with each other.

 

The others thought it was adorable, but Lance and Keith would pretend they weren’t talking when someone mentioned it. 

 

Sometimes, Lance would have an hour long conversation with Keith, but would stop when he got tired, and his hands were tired from moving so fast.

 

~~~

 

Lance sat on his bed, “talking” to Keith.

 

_ Mission… fun. _

 

Keith nodded. Lance was still somewhat new to sign language, even though it was his only form of communication, he only knew a few hundred words. Sometimes, he’d have to spell out things, which took even longer.

 

“Yes, my mission was fun, although, Coran almost blew us up.” 

 

Lance’s eyes widened. 

 

_ What happened? _

 

“If Coran ever says he can, he really can’t defuse a bomb with his eyes closed.” Keith said and the two laughed.

 

“What did you do when i was gone?” Keith asked. Lance smiled and pulled out his “public” sketchbook, the one he showed to everyone. He opened a page and showed KEith the drawing, smiling.

 

The picture showed all of voltron and Allura and Coran all smiling. Shiro’s foot rested on top of Lotor’s head, symbolizing them winning the fight for the galaxy. 

 

Keith laughed as his eyes scanned the picture. Keith, in the drawing, was standing next to Lance, them both having cups of some juice in their hand. Hunk had two trays of food with a few cookies hanging out his mouth Pidge was in the corner, her back turned as she looked over her shoulder in slight annoyance. Allura had the mice on her shoulder, eyes closed smiling and Coran was doing a handstand.

 

Keith looked at the picture for a few more moments. Why did his character look more realistic than the others, and more…… spot-on?

 

_ You like? _ Lance signed, a look of worry on his face.

 

“Of course i like it. It’s really good, you’re getting amazing at drawing.” Keith said. Lance smiled even wider as they continued talking about their day. 

 

As they talked, Lance leaned his head on Keith’s shoulder, continuing his end of conversation. 

 

_ And H-U-N-K almost blew…. Kitchen…. Down. _

 

Keith laughed a little. “Yeah yeah, Hunk would probably do that.” 

 

_ Keep him…. F-R-O-M…...bangs. _

 

“Explosives you mean?” Keith asked. Lance nodded. “Okay, ‘Explode’ is this,” Keith put his fists on top of each other and opened his hands, making it look like a small explosion.

 

Lance copied. Lance then touched his hand to his chin and pulled away.

 

_ Thanks _ .

 

“No prob, man.” Keith said as he leaned back on the bed, Lance leaning next to him. The two stared at the ceiling above them in silence until Lance tapped Keith’s shoulder.

 

Keith turned and looked at Lance. Lance smiled and inhaled. He crossed his arms over his chest and pointed at Keith. 

 

Keith’s face flushed as he recognized the sign.

 

_ Love you. _

 

Lance’s face flushed too but he smiled a little. Keith signed back to him. 

 

_ Love you too _ .

 

Lance smiled as he shuffled closer to the half Galra boy and they fell asleep.


	2. Useless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance thinks it's his fault Pidge almost dies
> 
> happy ending

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LANCE!!!”

 

“YOU ALMOST KILLED PIDGE.”

 

“WHAT THE HELL? CAN YOU PAY ATTENTION?”

 

Lance stared at the ground as Shiro, Allura and Keith yelled at him. “You guys it wasn’t his fau--” “Pidge, not now.” Allura said. 

 

Pidge was held back by Shiro. “You guys I---” 

 

“LANCE! Why weren’t you paying attention to Pidge on the mission?” Keith yelled. Lance stared at the ground and started scratching his wrists. “I’m sorr---” “SORRY DOESN’T CUT IT LANCE! PIDGE ALMOST DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!”

 

Lance bit his lips and dug his fingers into his wrists, blood falling out. No one noticed except Hunk. “Hey now, Lance. Guy, we should calm do---” “NO, HUNK, YOU DON’T REALIZE! PIDGE ALMOST DIED!” Keith yelled.

 

“You guys you’re--” Before Hunk could finish, Lance ran off to his room. Pidge scrunched her face up and turned to the other paladins, excluding Hunk.

 

“YOU GUYS! LANCE WASN’T THE ONE WHO MESSED UP, I DID! I STRAYED FROM THE PATH BECAUSE I WAS LOOKING FOR MATT! IT’S NOT HIS FAULT!” Hunk stood next to Pidge, mad too.

 

“You guys. Lance has had insecurity since  _ fucking garrison _ .” Everyone’s eyes widened as Hunk cursed. “Do you know how many times I’ve tried to calm him from anxiety attacks, how many nights I’ve had to tell him he was worth living?” 

 

Hunk and Pidge turned and ran after Lance. Keith, Allura and Shiro stood frozen in space. “What did we do?” Shiro groaned, rubbing his face. Allura turned. “Well it’s not our fault. If he’s having trouble with self esteem, he should have told us.” Shiro’s eyes widened and he looked at Allura.

 

“Hey that’s kinda of a rude thing to say.” Shiro followed Allura  as she walked away, the two breaking into an argument. 

 

Keith rubbed his face and exhaled before walking in the direction Lance ran off in.

 

~~~

 

Lance curled up in a ball on his bed, scratching his wrist, making the nail holes bigger and bleed more. 

 

His bedroom door opened. “Lance, bud.” Hunk said as he entered. “Go away.” Lance responded. Pidge sat next to Lance on the bed and caressed his arm. “Hey, hey now. It’s my fault I ran off. You don’t need to get upset.” LAnce lifted his head to look at Hunk and Pidge. 

 

“But it’s also my fault I wasn’t paying attention to you. My fault I didn’t hear you screaming, my fault for not getting to you in time. It’s my fault too, Pidge.” Lance muttered, pulling his gray hood over his head. 

 

“Lance. It’s okay, you’re a wonderful, and amazing friend and pilot. It was one fluke, besides, I’m not dead, so no worries, right?” Pidge said, shifting on the bed to give the blue paladin a hug. Lance hugged her back. “Yeah, I guess.” Lance aid. 

 

“And hey, man. If it makes you feel better, I almost blew up Coran today while cooking breakfast.’’ Hunk said and Pidge and Lance laughed. 

 

“Okay thanks you guys for making me feel better.” Lance said, sniffling. Hunk and Pidge gave him one last hug before leaving the room.

 

Lance watched them leave and frowned as he scratched at his wrist again. Small trickles of blood ran down his forearms now and he didn’t care. There was a knock at his door. “What?” Lance called out, knowing it was not Hunk nor Pidge, the only people he liked as of now. 

 

“Lance? Can I come in?” Keith’s vice asked. Lance froze for a second before rapidly scratching his wrist faster. “Uh-h, n-no.” Lance croaked out, his voice catching in his throat. “Lance? Are you okay?” Keith asked through the door.

 

Lance cringed as his vision swirled. “Yeah?” Lance’s voice warbled and his bedroom door opened. Lance jumped as Keith walked in, his footsteps loud and heavy.

 

Keith let out a scream when he saw Lance’s wrist covered in blood, Lance still scratching at them. Keith grabbed his hand and looked him in the eyes. “Lance, stop. Now.” Keith growled out and Lance started to cry.

 

Lance curled up away from Keith, scratching more vigorously at his wrist, fingers covered in blood. Keith grabbed his hands again and didn’t let go, making Lance turn to him. “Lance, stop this bullshit. You’re gonna knock yourself out this way.” Keith said, clearly angered.

 

Lance kicked his legs and screamed at Keith. “Let me go!” he shouted. Keith frowned and moved so Lance’s feet wouldn’t hit him.

 

“Lance would you just shut the fuck u--” Keith froze when he saw how broken Lance’s eyes were, noticed the state Lance was in. Saw how gone their friend was and his expression changed. His voice dropped lower into a soothing voice.

 

“Lance, Calm down. I know it wasn’t your fault.” Keith said. Lance froze and looked up at the sudden change. “What?” He asked, voice shaking and Keith took the opportunity of Lance being frozen to move on the bed, enveloping Lance in his arms.

 

‘‘I know it wasn’t your fault Pidge was almost killed. She explained what happened to us.” Keith said, moving again so Lance’s legs were over his own. One arm wrapped around Lance’s shoulders, the other stroking his hair. 

 

“I’m sorry Lance. Sorry I yelled, ‘kay?” Keith said, his voice soft and gentle. Lance relaxed as Keith pet his hair.

 

“Okay.” Lance said awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. “B-but, it was almost my fault she died because I wasn’t paying attention to where she went and I-I-she almost did die, Keith.” Lance gripped Keith’s shirt as tears fell down his face. 

 

“Lance, it wasn’t your fault--” “But it almost was!” Lance interrupted. “She almost died, and and you guys would’ve yelled at me and she wouldn’t have been here to tell you it wasn’t my fault, but it was. An-an-and---” “But Lance,” Keith held Lance’s face so he could look at him. “Pidge didn’t die, and we didn’t yell at you, and she’s still here. So you’re okay, and chill out. You’re our SharpShooter, right? We need you.”

 

Then Keith sighed and looked at Lance, tilting his head a bit. “Stop making me nice!” Keith yelled finally, pushing Lance off him and Lance let out a soft laugh, moving and draping his arm over Keith’s shoulders. 

 

“Not my fault, Mullet.” Lance said and ‘booped’ Keith’s nose, making the red paladin chase him around the room.


	3. Journal

Keith’s eyes widened at the book on the floor. He had just watched Lace run past, going on an eight varga mission with Coran. As Lance had run past, a book fell out of his bag labled with all different types of writing. 

KEith curiosly picked up the book to hand it to LAnce, but LAnce had already left. Keith sighed and walked into his room, flipping through the pages, eyes widening at some words e was able to catch as he flipped through. Laying on his bed, he opened to the first page.   
  


**Whoo-hoo! In space! So cool! I’ a paladin, a real-live paladin of Voltron! Although i didn’t even know that that was a thing, they don’t teach you everything at Garrison. And speaking of, Keith’s here too! I can’t believe it! I tried to get away from that mullet show-up, remember, do you remember future Lance? Ughhhh and him dropping out is the only reason i even could jin the higher classes, if not i’d still be a cargo pilot.**

 

Keith rolled his eyes, flipping a few pages ahead until a few wwords caught his eyes.

 

**Today i……**

 

**I messed up. Again. Heh, i guesss i’m used to it. Hoow did i mess up? Well during our mission today in looking for this Slav guy, i grabbed the wrong person. Heh. stupid me, but get this, i grabbed that guy’s pet instead, a yupper i think it was. Hah, i really screwed up. They shouldn’t have even brought me on the mission, it would’ve gone faster.**

 

**I guess i really am just a seventh wheel. Hah.**

 

Frowning, Keith turned a few more pages, eyes widening as he saw a pages edges covered in a red subsatnce.

 

**Ah geez. Hah. i did it again. Can you see, you see right? The pages. I got so depressed, i cut myself again. It’s like the razors have a mind of their own, ya know. Hah, i just hope no one notices.**

 

Keith’s ees widened huge, looking at the splotches to realze that they were ideed blookd. 

 

KEith turned the next page. 

 

**Keith noticed. Whoops. I don’t know if he knew what the were. Today at breakfast, i reached for some alein slp, my sleeve moved and i saw him starig at my cuts. I hid the but he asked what they were from. “Training” i replied. Hah, would he even care? If i told him the truth, i put those there, do you think he’d care? I’d care if it were him, try and help him, but KEith is different from me, he wouldn’t do that, i don't think.**

 

**Keith might handle it different, he might, i dunno. He’d try t help in his own way i guess. He migt not even help.**

 

Keith frowned at that. Turning to the next page and last page, Keiths eyes widened. 

 

**I think. Coran said thisd be dangerous. Iwas just talking to him. He said he needed someone to come with him. It’s a very important mission, but we haven’t told anyone what our mission was, not even Allura. I guess i’m never seeing my family again. Hah, i really wanted to at least see Rachel again, she’s so grown up now. And Keith. Im going to miss KEith. I…. i love him. But, i’m never going to see him again. This mission it’s….**

 

**It’s a suicice mission.**

 

**We’re not coming back. Well, Coran says he’s going to scarifice himself, so i can come back to help Voltron but….. Who needs me? Allura can pilot the blue lion when i die. I’m only the seventh wheel. No one needs a seventh wheel. Plus, no oe even likes me, i’m the terrible concieted flirt who can’t do shit, right? No one’ll miss me. Besides, i can’t deal with this anymore. It-it’s too much. I constantly want to die, it’s horrible to continuing living like this. If i sacrifce myself, no one will suspect that, right. I’m brnging this journal with me, that way, no one’ll know that’s the real plan. If i didn’t bring this, and someone’s reading it,**

 

**I’m sorry. And, tell Keith**

 

**I love him. Even if he doesn’t love me, tell him, ‘kay? I want him to know before i die. It’d be horrible to die without him knowing. Well, goobye.**

 

Keith launched up from his bed, running down the hall, almost falling as he turned. “ALLURA!” KEith called out. Allura’s head popped out from around the corner. “Yeah?” She asked, concerned. KEith grabbed her shoulders. “Did Coran and LAnce already leave?” She shook her head.

 

“No, they should be getting into a ship now though. Wh--” Keith didn’t hear the last part, racing down the hall, almost falling each turn as he ran to the cockpit.

 

He saw Lance handing Coran a bag, smiling. 

 

_ That’s a fake smile and you know it. _ Keith thought. “LAnce!” KEith yelled and the blue paladin dropped the bag in surrise, turning to Keith. “Keith?” Lance asked, his eyes shifting to the book in Keith’s hand. His face flushed and he looked at KEith. 

 

“You didn’--Did, you, did you read t-” “YES  READ IT!” KEith yelled, now in front of Lance. LAnce flinched as he made to grab for the journal. Keith held it out of his reach, face mad. “LANCE, WHAT THE HELL!?!?!? YOU’RE GOING TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF?!?!?!?!?” Coran’s head popped out from the top and looked at Lance.

 

“Lance, is what he saying true?” Coran asked. LAnce’s face turned bright red and he looked up at Coran and Keith. “N-no.” LAnce responded to Coran. KEith’s face turned even redder in anger. “BULLSHIT LANCE!” Keith yelled. 

 

Lance fliched and Coran was now leaning over. “Lance, you know the plan. You need to stay alive for Voltron.” Lance turned to Coran now, tears in his eyes. “Allura can take my spot, Coran!” LAce yelled and Coran’s face widened in surprise. 

 

“LANCE, YOU’RE THE BLUE PALADIN. YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE!” Keith yeled. Lance turned back to him. “KEITH, EVERYONE CULD CARE LESS IF I DIE, I’M A SEVENTH WH---” “NO YOU’RE NOT A SEVENTH WHEEL AND YOU’RE NOT GOING ON THAT MISSION!” Keith yelled.

 

Lance frowned and glared at KEith. “WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE KEITH? LET ME SAVE EVERYONE WITH MY LIFE!” KEith’s face scrunched up and he glared at Lance. “BECAUSE I FREAKING LOVE, YOU ASSHOLE!” Keith yelled.

 

Lance’s face flashed in surprise but then to anger again. “KEITH, YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT ME TO GO, YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO FORM VOLTRON!” Lance tried to walk away but Keith grabbed his arm, turning him around. 

 

“LANCE,” Keith yelled and inhaled slowly. “Lance, i’m not just saying that. I. Love. You.” LaNce’s expression softened but he pulled his arm away from him. “Sure.” Lance said sarcastically. Lance walked out of the cockpit, leaving an angry Keith.

 

“Well, i have to say,” Coran said, still in the spaceship. “That was the most agrressive love confession i’ve ever seen.” Keith scrunched his nose but stormed after Lance.

 

“LANCE MCCLAIN!” Keith yelled, bursting into Lance’s room. His eyes widened at the scene efore him, running to Lance laying on the floor. KEith picked up one of the many razors laing on the floor. Keith’s purple eyes widened as he held the unmving LAnce, cuts covering his neck, blood gushing out. 

 

“LAnce?” Keith’s voice warbled out. Lance didn’t respond, eyes completely white, bloood pouring out the edges of his mouth and neck. KEith felt hot tears fall down his face as he looked all over Lance, eye’s fallin on a crumpled note.

 

_ I’m sure you do Keith. I love you too _ . Was written in very sloppy handwriting, like it was written in a hurry. How’d this happen? It’s been what, one minute and a half since they just fought.

 

Keith held LAnce’s dead body and letout a choked sob, anding reaching for a razor.

 

~~~~

 

“WE WERE TOO LATE, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!” Shiro yelled, kicking the door frame. Allura’s eyes widened and Pidge wept in a corner, Hunk trying to calm her down. Coran shook his head. “I made a joke, before they did this.” Coran said, looking at the two dead bodies. 

 

Keith, before he’d taken his own life, had adjusted Lance’s face, making him look happy. He had postitioned themselves so it looked as if they were hugging. 

 

They died hugging. 

 

Allura bit her lip as she walked out of the room, Shiro following. 

 

**THE END MOTHER HUGGERS**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm very agressive. do you guys have any ideas? i may post an occasional fluff so i'm not killing you guys but
> 
>  
> 
> i might not.


	4. Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which, Lance wants to where pretty dresses like Allura, but he doesn't know how the others'll feel

LAnce watched in envy as Allura showed off her dress. It was beautiful.

 

It had spaghetti straps and the top fit her perfectly, accentuating her curves, the skirt part was made of multiple layers of tulle, puffing out even when she was still. The whole dress itself was a pastel blue.

 

Lance would kill to wear a dress like that. He  _ wanted _ to wear a dress like that, but he knew he’d get made fun of. 

 

What was so wrong with wanting to wear a dress? It would look good on him, he’d be comfortable. Shiro complimented Allura’s dress and lance balled his fist up. Allura thanked him warmly as she walked over to Pidge, who was toying with some galra robot.

 

“I like your dress Allura. It’s nice.” the small pidgeon said before going back to working. Lance’s nails dug into his palm. 

 

“Wow Allura. I like your dress, it puffs out nicely too.” Hunk said, holding a plate of freshly made ‘’cookies.” Allura beamed. Lance bit his lip so hard he felt the skin break but he didn't care. He could feel tears in his eyes when suddenly a hand was on his shoulder. 

 

Lance turned his head and met eyes with Keith. The moment Keith’s purple eyes locked with Lance’s teary blue eyes, Keith grabbed Lanc’s arm, dragging him into his room.

 

“Lance?” KEith asked nce they were alone. “Are you okay?” Lance shook his head, biting his bloody lip harder. Keith signed as he grabbed a tissue and pressed it against Lances lip. “Do you want to tell me why?” Keith asked, uncharastically nice. 

 

Lance shook his head slowly. “You’ll, you’ll just make fun of me.” Lance said upset. Keith raised an eyebrow, expression softening. “I won’t. Trust me, i have no right to make fun of  _ anyone _ .” Keith said jokingly. Lane let out a snort and looked sideways at Keith.

 

He slowly inhaled and started tracing circles on his own leg. “Allura’s dress…..it’s, it’s pretty.” Lance said slowly, not sure if Keith would understand. But Keith did, because he used to have a cousin, John, who loved to paint his nails, and braid his hair, and wear crop tops and skirts.

 

Keith smiled slightly as he wrapped his arm around LAnce’s shoulder. “Okay, do, do you want me to make you one?” Keith asked and Lance looked at him. “You, you can make clothes?” Lance asked. 

 

Keith nodded. “My step-mom’s clothes were always getting damaged or ripped, so  learned how to sew and take measurements. I can sew you anything you want. I can make you a dress even prettier than Allura’s.” Keith said and Lance’s eyes started to shine.

 

“Really?” he asked and Keith nodded. Lance enveloped Keith in a hug, thanking him. “I need to measure you though.” Keith murmured awkwardly in the hug. Lance nodded and jumped up, standing in the middle of the room as Keith grabbed a small roll of measuring tape he always carried in his jacket.

 

Keith measured where he needed, across Lance’s chest, around his waist, the circumference of his arms and legs. When he was done, Lance thanked him before running out of the room. 

 

~~

 

About a week later, Keith called Lance back to his room and Lance skipped there, beaming the whole way. When he got to Keith’s room, the red paladin dragged him in. 

 

Keith smiled at Lance, hiding something behind his back. “I hope you like this, i had to rip up some old clothes i had found to make this but here,” Keith revealed the dress. “I hope you like it.”

 

Lance smiled and ran to Keith’s bathroom with the dress. Almost immediately, he ran back out wearing the dress along with a bright smile. Keith smiled at Lance and told him to sit on the bed. Lance obliged as Keith pulled out a makeup kit.LAnce’s eyes gleamed even more.

 

“I got this from Pidge. Matt tried to give it to her but she, well, y’know, she’s Pidge.” Keith said as he started to brush the makeup onto Lance’s face.

 

When Keith was done, he stepped aside to Let Lance look in Keith’s bathroom mirror to admire himself.

 

Keith had put on light blue eyeshadow onto Lance’s eyelids, making his blue eyes pop. his short-ish hair was held back with a few dark blue clips. The dress was a light, Elsa blue. The top was a V-neck, with long sleeves reaching the bottom of Lance’s hand. The skirt part was a gradient, going from a beautiful light blue, to a dark sapphire. 

 

The dress ended right above his ankles and it had a few layers of tulle, making to dress puff out but not too much. LAnce smiled happily at his reflection and tackled Keith in a hug.

 

“Thank you, so much.” Lance whispered into Keith’s ear. KEith smiled and grabbed his hand. “Do you….do you want to show the others?” Keith asked slowly and Lance bit his slightly pink lip. 

 

After a few moments, Lance smiled slightly and nodded. Keith smiled and, still holding Lance’s hand, walked with him to the main control room, where everyone mostly hung out. 

 

“Guys.” Keith said and everyone turned to him. There was confusion  on everyone’s face. Pidge smiled immediately once she saw Lance though and jumped up, hugging LAnce around the waist. 

 

“YOU LOOK AMAZING!” she yelled and Lance smiled more, hugging her back. “Thank you.” he said. Hunk looked at lance for a few more seconds before nodding and going back to what he was doing. Lance smiled slightly more. Coran started clapping enthusiastically at his favorite paladin.

 

Lance looked at Allura and Shiro. Shiro was staring at Lance, like he was checking if this was a joke and Allura was glaring at LAnce.

 

“Are you making fun of me?” Allura asked in a harsh tone. Lance’s smile dripped off his face. “N-no.” he stuttered out and Allura frownd. “You’re mocking every female out there Lance. Are you trying to tell us all that you’re better? Or are you trying to just make fun of our effort i clothes and makeup? Because, in fact, you look nothing more than a transvestite.” she spat out.

 

LAnce felt tears in his eyes and Keith wrapped his arms around his shoulders while Pidge tightened her grip on his waist. Shiro’s expression softened and he looked at Allura.

 

“Allura,” Shiro said softly, but then his expression hardened and he had a scowl. “If you’re going to think like that to one of our very dear friends, and we will all leave Voltron and go home. I don’t care if the fate of humanity depends on us, we will not deal with anyone like you who has no respect for the way a person dresses.”

 

Shiro walked out of the room, ruffling Lance’s hair a bit, smiling at him. LAnce smiled softly at him before walking out of the room. Keith followed, hands still entwined.

 

“Hey, you’re fie. The people that matter accept you. Ignore Allura.” Keith said then bumped his shoulder against Lance’s smiling. “She’s just jealous about how fab you look.” LAnce laughed and hugged Keith once more. 

 

“Thank you Keith.”


	5. Our Rings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith and Lance got in a fight. Therapist Pidge

Lance stepped into the office, nervous as the person called him in. when he entered the room, a small woman looked up at him, her hair sticking out at the edges, big circle glasses covering half her face. She smiled brightly up at him.

 

“Hello Lance! My name is Pidge Gunderson, i’ll be your therapist.” she said gesturing to a seat in front of her and Lance sat.

 

“So, i’ve heard i’m your third therapist now?” she asked, flipping through papers. Lance picked at the edge of his sleeve nervously, which was something that didn’t go unsee by Pidge.

 

Lance nodded. “It’s just, none of them really understood me.” Lace said. Pidge nodded.

 

“Well, i’m not going to be one of your old therapist, asking what’s wrong. We can talk about your problems next time. For now, i what to get to know you.” Pidge leaned back in her seat, smiling devilishly. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s your sexuality?” she asked politely.

 

“Bisexual.” Lance said, shifting i his seat. Pidge smiled sweetly. “If it helps you feel more comfortable, i’m asexual.” Pidge said and Lance nodded, a thread from his jacket flaying out.

 

“What do you like to do in your free time?” she asked as she pushed her papers to the side of her desk.

 

Lance inhaled slowly. “Well, i like to draw, i’m not great at it, but i’m kay at least. I also love to sing with my brother Marco. And, my boyfriend...Keith. Well, he’s not really my boyfriend anymore.” tears started to fall down Lance’s face and Lance talking got slurred together. “We had a fight and it was stupid but he hasn’t talked to me and I--”

 

Pidge held up her hand, stopping him. “Hey, buddy. I understand how you feel right now but you need to take a few deep breaths or your going to have a panic attack.” she said and Lance nodded.

 

“Good, now, breathe with me. In, 2 4 6 8, out 1 3 5 7, in 2 4 6 8, out 1 3 5 7.” Pidge counted and LAnce’s breaths turned slowly back into normal ones.

 

“Now, tell me what happened, without getting upset, please.” Lance nodded and inhaled deeply one more time.

 

~~

 

“Keith.” Lance said lovingly, calling his boyfriend over from the other side over the room. Keith smiled and walked over, sitting next to the cuban boy. “What is it?” he asked softly and Lance smiled, eyes glittering as he looked at his boyfriend.

 

“I was wondering, if i was cheesy and got us promise rings, how mad would you get?” Lance asked,smiling as he reached into his pocket. Keith deadpanned as he looked into Lance’s eyes.

 

“I would probably kick you in the nuts.” Keith said jokingly and Lance laughed, holding out two boxes. “Well, uh. Already got ’em.” Lance said and Keith’s purple eyes lit up with adoration, humor and love.

 

“I wanna see.” Keith said, reaching for oe of the boxes. Lance shook his head, tsking at Keith. “That ones mine, here’s yours.” Lance said and handed him one of the white boxes.

 

Keith opened it up and could feel his heart burst when he saw the beautiful silver band with a sapphire suck in the center. Keith out it on and Lance showed him his. Lance’s ring was a silver band, also, but it had a ruby in the middle.

 

“See? Now your with me, and i’m with you.” Lance said and Keith, who couldn’t stand it anymore, jumped his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing up his jaw. “I friggin’ love you, Lance.” Keith said and Lance smiled, wrapping his arm around his boyfriend’s waist.

 

“Hey, i think that was a little too sweet for you, mullet.” Lance said and Keith kicked his shin slightly. “Shut up, I love you.” Keith said and Lance smiled.

 

“I love you too, Keith.” Lance muttered

 

~~

 

“Wait, but that all seems good.” Pidge interrupted, raising an eyebrow. Lance nodded. “I know, i just needed to tell you about the rings first, they’re kind of important.” Lance replied.

 

Pidge motioned for him to go on. “A week after that though...”

 

~~~

 

Keith and Lance were holding hands, curled up on the couch together. “Hey, you ready to go to the dance next week?” Lance asked and Keith nodded, his grip tightening on Lance’s waist. Lance looked at him curiously.

 

“Are you okay, babe?” Lance asked and Keith nodded, smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

 

LAnce sat up, moving Keith so he sat on his lap. “Are you sure? You seem off.” Lace said quietly. Keith stood up, climbing off of Lance. Keith rubbed his hands together nervously and Lance frowned at the motion, realizing something.

 

Lance reached forward and grabbed Keith’s hand, inspecting it. “Where’s your ring?” he asked, looking up to meet Keith’s gaze.

 

Keith bit his lower lip. “I-I lost it.” he muttered and Lane frowned, feeling as if something stabbed at his heart. “You  _ what _ ?” he asked, voice changing into a deep, terrifying one. Keith looked to the side, black hair covering his face.

 

“I lost it. I’m sorry.” Keith muttered again and LAnce felt like the world had flipped on its side. “HOW COULD YOU LOSE IT?” Lance shouted, standing up which made Keith flinched and step back.

 

“I had gym today, Lotor-he pushed me. I think when i fell---” “WHAT DID YOU DO?” Lanc yelled and Keith glared at him. “ _ Excuse _ me?” Keith asked threateningly.

 

“Obviously you did something to Lotor to get him mad enough to push you. So,  _ what did you do _ ?” Lance asked, taking a step towards Keith.

 

Keith glared up at him, purple eyes dark.

 

“Lotor was talking bad about us, calling us fags so i called him a whore.” Keith said, voice steady. Lanc rolled his eyes. “Keith, your the real whore, you should’ve just walked away, and you wouldn’t have lost the ring.” keith scoffed, taking a step back.

 

“So you want him to just talk trash about us? You expect me to take it?” Keith asked. Lance threw his hands up angrily. “You lost your ring!” Lance shouted.

 

“IT’S JUST A STUPID RING, LANCE!” Keith shouted and Lance frowned.

 

“You fuking whore. You couldn’t care less about our relationship, could you?” Lance spat out and Keith’s nose wrinkled in anger. “I’m not. A fucking. Whore.” Keith said and turned, walking out of the house.

 

“KEITH, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!” Lance shouted. Keith turned around, flipped him off, and exited the building.

 

~~~

 

Lance put his head in his hands, crying. “I-I called him a whore. Twice.” Lance cried out and Pidge leaned back in her chair, staring at Lance with sympathy.

 

“Lance, you were completely in the wrong there. I understand how much the rings meant to you, but you could’ve gone back to the gym and found it.” Pidge said and Lance nodded, leeting out choked sobs.

 

“I know.” he muttered, his heart shattering slowly. ‘’Why did you blow up at him?” Pidge asked and LAnce shrugged.

 

“I don't even know anymore. It’s not like i was having a bad day, or like i had a real excuse. It’s just, when i saw he wasn’t wearing the ring, it felt like he was saying he didn’t want me.” Lance breathed in quickly, tears falling out. “And now he really doesn't” he cried.

 

Pidge nodded, smiling softly. “Not true.” she stated and Lance looked up. “How would you know?” he asked accusingly. Pidge smiled again and started flipping through her papers, pulling one out and holding it up.

 

“Keith is another one of my patients.” She said. “HE misses you Lance, he blames himself, calling him stupid for losing the ring. He’s found it, by the way. It’s a very beautiful ring.” Pidge said.

 

Lance sniffled. “I thought everything said in here was private.” he stated. Pidge shrugged. “Well, when two of my patients are here because of each other and I can fix it, then it’s not right to keep what said a secret.” Pide said, putting down the paper.

 

“Net time, come here on thursday at our. That’s Keith’s appointment and you two severely need to talk.” Lance nodded and inhaled slowly. “Okay.”

 

~~~

 

Lance sat in the waiting room, looking at Keit who was across the room. Keith hadn’t seen him yet, there was a pile of books and magazines in the way and Lance didn’t know if that was good or bad. Lance’s thinking got interrupted as Pidge walked in. 

 

“Keith, Lance, get in here.” she said in a tired and aggravated voice. Keith’s eyes widened as he stood up, noticing Lance. Keith turned, getting ready to walk out when Pidge grabbed his arm.

 

“I’m here to help you and this is the only way anything's going to get fixed.” Pidge said and dragged Keiht into her office, Lance following and ignoring he stares from the other patients.

 

Lance sat in a chair while Keith sat on the couch on the opposite side of the room. Lance bit his lip when he realized Keith was as broken as he was. Keith stared sadly at his lap, twirling his thumbs nervously.

 

Pidge took her seat at her desk and cross her legs, looking at the two. It was silent or a few awkward moments until Pidge cleared her throat. 

 

“Lance misses you Keith.” she said suddenly and Lance’s face flushed red. Keith looked up, exchanging looks between him and Pidge. “HE got mad over a ring.” Keith growled out, hand moving into his pocket.

 

Pidge noticed the movement. “A ring that even though you said you hate, you still carry everywhere.” she stated. Keith froze and stared at his lap.

 

“He called me a whore. Twice.” Keith said and Pidge laughed. Keith looked up, offended and she shook her head. “Sorry, hon. I’m not laughing at you it’s just, he said almost the same thing.” She said.

 

Keith raised an eyebrow. “HE didn’t mean it, right Lance?” Lance nodded and turned to Keith.

 

“Keith, i didn’t mean any of it. I’m so,  _ so _ proud of you for sticking up to Lotor, i mean, you obviously said some good shit if he pushed you.” Lance smiled softly at Keith who moved his gaze back to his shoes.

 

Lance frowned again, his heart lurching in his chest. “Baby, please look at me.” Lance said in a soft tone. Keith’s eyes flicked up in annoyance. “Don’t call me that.” he said, his voice breaking as he spoke.

 

Lance felt tears come to his eyes as he got up and walked over to the couch. “Keith, please. I didn’t mean any of it. I love you, so,  _ so _ much. I miss you. Please.” Lance sat next to Keith and Keith scooted to the other side of the couch. 

 

“You had your shot and ruined it.” Keith muttered and Lance bit his lip. “Babe,  _ please _ .” Lance said, tears falling down his cheeks.

 

“Might i intervene?” Pidge said from her desk. “Keith, you love Lance, i know you do. I also know what he did was a total dick move. But it doesn't mean he hates you. He was maybe worked up over something. I’m not saying you two should start dating right away, but you need to make up.”

 

Keith nodded slightly and looked at Lance from the corner of his eyes.

 

“Also, my next patient meets me in ten minutes.” Pidge added and the two snorted.

 

“Keith, please? Just, give me one more chance?” Lance grabbed Keith’s hand with both of his and Keith looked at the ruby on Lance’s ring.

 

“You didn’t take it off.” Keith noted. Lance nodded. “I didn’t want to. It felt like if i did, i’d lose you forever.’’ Lance claimed and Keith sniffed.

 

‘‘Lance, Will you not get worked up over things so small?” Keith asked after a moment. Lance nodded, smiling softly, tears halting. “Yes, omigod yes. I will ever get mad ever again. Please, just,  _ please _ forgive me.” Lance pleaded, holding Keith’s hand as if his life depended on it.

 

Keith turned to look at Lance, eyes shining slightly and smiling softly. “Okay, but the next time you call me a whore i’m kicking your ass.” Keith said and Lance wrapped him up in a hug. “Thank you, so  _ so _ much.” 

 

Pidge smiled at the two and stood up. “Well, i fixed two patients. All better an you two are adorable. Now,” Pidge pointed to the door. “Get out.” she said. Keith laughed and nodded, walking out with Lance right behind him.

 

“Come home with me?” Lance asked softly. Keith smiled gently and grabbed Lance’s hand. “Yes. holy fuck yes.” Keith said and the two walked home.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO MY VOLTRON CHILDREN, HOW IS EVERYONE HANDLING THE FIFTH SEASON. I KINDA FLIPPED ABOUT HOW AMAZING AND WONDERFUL KROLIA IS SO FAR. SHE IS BEST MOM (sorry Allura) AND SHE MIGH BE IN THE NEXT STORY OR SUMTHING
> 
> GOOD BYE MY KITTENS! SEE YOU NEXT TIME IF YOU HAVE RECOMMANDATIONS PLEASE COMMENT AND CHECK OUT MY WATTPAD @L-Chan_


	6. lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is dead and Keith doesn't know what to do

Keith knew he shouldn’t come out here, he knew the rules. But today, he had too. Wiping a few tears from his eyes, he sat down on his knees. 

 

He smiled sadly, inhaling slowly. “Hey Lance.” Keith started. “Uh, we all miss you and, we found your notebook. I’m sorry, I really didn’t know you were feeling that way. If I had just known, I would have helped anyway I could’ve and-- well, besides that.” 

 

Keith set down the bouquet of purple altean flowers. “Here, l know it’s your birthday so i brought you flowers, it’s the only thing out here l could find for you. Hey Lance, did you know Hunk misses you? He cried for a week straight, I mean, you were,  _ are _ his best friend and you just left him. He misses you. Pidge cried too,”

 

“They kept blaming themselves you know. They wouldn’t even go back to their gadgets, they just cried. Shiro wanted to cry, l know that because he told me. But he has to keep strong as the leader, he said. Coran misses his favorite paladin you know. He keeps saying he misses your jokes and clever word play.”

 

“Allura misses you too, she was cleaning your room up the other day and found your face mask shit.” Keith chuckled to himself though tears. “She used it on herself, hope you don’t mind. She wanted to feel as if you were part of her. We kept your room the way it was, occasionally we all sleep in there occasionally, like you are still here.”

 

Keith let tears fall down his face faster and he looked up at Lance’s gravestone, reading the letters sprawled out across it.

 

“Hey Lance, did you know what l was planning that day? When you died? I was going to confess my feelings to you that day, and then you went and went and sacrificed yourself. You just  _ had _ to go and sacrifice yourself!” tears fell down Keith’s cheeks in streams.

 

Keith was angry, so he punched Lance’s graestone, yelling. When his hand made contact to the stone, Keith let out a choked sob and he sunk to his knees, dropped back to his knees. “I miss you, Lance. I just--HOW COULD YOU DO THAT!?!?!” Keith yelled, buryng his face in his hands.

 

Keith let out angry choked sobs, his breathing erratic as he tried to calm himself, his shoulders shaking violently. “Did you know no oe would let me come out here? They thought I wasn’t strong enough to come see you. They kept telling me it was better this way. Everyone’s moved on by now Lance… IT’s been two full years.” Keith muttered to himself.

 

“Lance, I miss you.” Keith said softly, his lungs fighting for air. “No one’ll leave me alone anymore because they think I’ll want to join you wherever you are. It’s annoying, no one’s letting me do anything. They don't trust me anymore. Lance, I really miss you, I just, I wish I had jumped out of the way in time. To think….. You’d still be alive if I’d paid attention more.” Keith let out a gasp as he tried to breathe in.

 

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he jumped in fear of having been caught by Shiro. But as Keith turned, he came face to face with Lance smiling softly at him. Except, it wasn’t fully Lance.

 

The blue paladin had this soft aura around hi, making him look as if he were glowing and he was slightly transperant.Keith’s eyes widened as he turned and Lance grinned at him. “You missed me that much, Mullet?” Lance asked and Keith stood up, hugging Lance. Lance laughed slightly and wrapped his arms around Keith.

 

“We went to Earth you know.” Keith muttered into LAnce’s shoulder. “We had to tell your parets and-- Marco, Luis and Veronica, they-they miss you Lance. and-I’m sorry.” Keith started crying hard again, his entire body shaking and Lance smiled softly, tightening his hug.

 

“Hey,” Lance said softly, rubbing small circles into the red paladin’s back. “Hey, it’s okay, my siblings would have had to deal without me being home maybe forever, at least, now I can watch oer them.” Lance said softly. Keith let out a whine/sobbing noise as the two sunk to the ground.

 

“I’-I’m sorry Lance, if I’d paid better attention, this wouldn’t have happened.” Keith said as Lance moved the two so Keith sa on his lap, curled into his chest, arms wrapped around his back while Keith’s were curled into his chest. Lance laced his chin on top of Keith’s head.

 

“Shut up, Mullet. It wasn’t your fault, besides, better me than anyone else, right?” Lance said and Keith punched him. Lance’s eyes widened and he looked at Keith curious. “What was that for?” he asked and Keith glared at him.

 

“Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed you? How horrible I’ve felt? How I wish I could see you just once more because you were the ost importat person in my life and now you're gon? You do realize I have a babysitter twenty-four seven because no oe trusts me alone anymore.” Keith said, staring up into Lance’s bright blue eyes.

 

“Lance, I’ve missed you so, so much. You were everything to me.” Keith said and Lane smiled softly, placing a kiss on top of Keith’s head. “I’m sorry, I thought no one would care.” Lance said, wrapping his arms around Keith protectively.

 

“And you're babaysitter sucks.” Lace said jokingly. Keith let out a small chuckle. “Everyone’s asleep, I snuck out.” Keith muttered. The two sat in comfortable silence, wrapped up in each other’s heat when they heard someone shout for Keith distantly.

 

Keith’s eyes widened and Lance tightened his grip reflexivley. “I think they’e looking for you.” Lance said and Keith nodded. “I know.” Keith muttered, tears faling slowly down his face once more. Lance swiped his thumb underneath Keith’s eye, cathcing the tears.

 

“Hey, look, We’ll see wach other again, out please don't force yourself here. Please, Keith, if you kill yourself just to be with me, I won’t know what to do. Die a hero at least, okay? I’l wait for you.” Lance said and Keith nodded as the blue paladin started to fade.

 

“Keith,” LAnce said and Keith turned to Lance. “I love you, too. Okay?” Lace said and Keith smiled softly as Lance fully disspaeared. Keith turned to Lance’s gravestone, tears still falling but slowly.

 

“KEITH!” Pidge yelled, swinging the door open. Keith flinched as the green palain walked slowly over to him. She looked at Lance’s gravestone and smiled softly. “Hey, i miss him too, but c’mon, we gotta go. It’s past space midnight.” Pidge said and Keith nodded, standing up and wipig his tears away.

 


	7. Forgotten

Forgotten, that’s what he was. Another vanished memory in their minds. No one cared, not enough anyway. When he left them to join the Blades, yeah, sure they were upset, but they moved on in life.

Remembered, that’s what he was. At least, only to one person. When Keith joined the Blades, he had to leave, everyone, but Lance didn't want him too.

He didn't let it show though, obviously. It’s time to fight Zarkon and save the universe, no time for love. Well, sure he flirted with every space alien chick he came across, but that was to kill time. Besides, he never liked any of them anyway.

Well, maybe Nyma, she was pretty badass. 

When KEith came back, sure, they hugged him, sure they were happy, but no one really cared. No one asked about his mom, no one asked how the Blades were, they hugged him and left.

Lance smiled at the glara neck to Keith. “‘Sup Keith-Mom?” Lance said and Shiro rolled his eyes. Krolia looked at KEith. “What did he just call me?” she asked. Before anyone could answer, the alarms started going off and Lance grabbed the red bayard.

“Okay! Everyone run to the lions, no man left behind!” LAnce smirked and turned to the galra family. “‘Cept maybe Keith.” Lance said teasingly before running off.

KEith and Krolia watched him and Krolia smiled. “Is that Lance?” she asked and KEith nodded. “Great choice.” she said and ran to help Coran.

Lost, lost out in space. Keith flew around in ne of the Blades ships, trying to avoid the beams coming from galra ships. How he got here, he didn't know. One moment he was behind Voltron, and the next he was lost.

Just as KEith had thought though, they hadn’t tried to return his lion. They didn't need him of course. Why would they? He was just… KEith. They didn't need him.

He was lost, alone out here. They weren’t looking for him, he was fine. Better if he stayed out here and got lost than get in their way.

~~

It’s been hours. The galra ships fled after they had gotten a transmission and Keith was alone. Alone, out in space, for hours with no one looking for him. But he was fine, he knew they could survive without him. 

Keith was fine out here, if he just died because of lack of oxygen or starvation, that was okay. They hadn’t tried contacting him, meaning they either forgot him or didn't care, he was fine with either.

He started feeling lightheaded and rested his head back against his seat. It was getting hard to breathe, the air was only supposed to last two-two and a half hours. 

Keith would die out here, he wa fine with that, no one cared anyway. Well, maybe his mom, but if she really cared, would she have left him in the first place? Keith shook his head and leaned back against the chair, closing his eyes.

It’s fine, this way, there won't be a fight over the lions. Would Red even take him back? What if the Blades needed him again? Nah, that’s okay. To the Blades he was just an impulsive kid that almost got them killed on several missions.

They’d be better off without him. Keith could feel himself drifting into unconsciousness when a voice came crackling over his helmet’s speaker.

“Keith?-----buddy----find you-----i'm alone----no one’s helping----oh i see your----coming---hold on.” crackled over KEith’s intercom but most of it staticed out. He couldn’t tell who it was, his mind to sleepy to try and comprehend the voice. His eyes were almost shut, but he could see something moving, something red moving towards him before everything went black.

~~~

“--you guys wouldn’t look for him! Like, i know you were all busy, but Keith almost died!” someone shouted. KEith couldn’t open his eyes or move, but he could hear.

“LAnce,” a deep voice said, Shiro maybe? “We would have looked for him once we were done with everything.” there was the sound of fabric moving quickly, like someone threw their hands up.. 

“HE WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD BY THEN! And besides, Shiro, what’s with you lately?!? It’s mission this, mission that. ‘I don't care who dies, it’s for the mission.’ KEITH ALMOST DIED!” someone-Lance, KEith identified now- yelled, sitting down on the bed by Keith’s feet.

Shiro sighed. “Lance, I don't have time for this.” there was the sound of retreating footsteps and Lance sighed. KEith tried forcing his eyes open and they opened slowly. KEith grimaced at the bright lights but LAnce jumped up.

“Keith! Oh, thank quiznak you're alive.” Lance breathed out. KEith sat up, his eyebrow furrowing together. “I still don't think you're using that word right.” Keith said and LAnce let out a soft laugh. “I know, dude, I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner, I was looking for hours.” LAnce said.

KEith’s heart faltered at that. Lance had been looking for him? “Did the others look for me?” Keith asked and Lance’s face fell.

“No, they were all dickbags saying how we could look for you after. With the amount of time it took for me to find you, you would've already been….gone if i’d listened to them.” Lance said, his hand balling up into a fist. 

Keith looked at it and place his hand over LAnce’s fist, moving on the bed a little. “Well, thank you then. But you guys would have been better without me. If I stay, it’ll confuse the lions. Red probably doesn't want me back anyway.” Keith said and Lance shook his head

“Actually, if it were;t for Red going mama lion mode, I probably wouldn’t have been able to find you. She went all crazy, searching everywhere for you. Red ‘talks’ about you a lot. She misses you Keith. Besides, I miss Blue.” LAnce said, smiling widely at Keith.

Keith snorted and looked at their hands, Lance’s now at peace. “Thank you for finding me.” KEith muttered and LAnce smiled, intertwining their fingers and holding their hands up in front of them.

“No prob bud. I wouldn’t want to lose my only rival. Well, Lotor is my rival too, but he doesn't cooaperate on the rival part.” Lance said and Keith gasped, putting his free hand on his chest dramatically. “You tried to replace me?” he asked in fake shock.

Of course he would, he doesn't need you. 

Lance smirked. “Dude, no one could replace the Great Keith. And anyway, you're a tolerable annoying. Lotor’s just annoying.” Lance replied. Keith’s heart faltered again and he looked at their joined hands, still held up in front of them and he squeezed Lance’s hand, making the tan boy look at him.

Keith didn't meet his gaze, his face slightly pinka and he smiled at their hands. “Thank you, for not forgetting me.” Keith said wistfully. Lance looked into the grey-purple eyes of the half human and jumped him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing his lips to Keith’s.

The two fell back on the bed, Lance now on top of KEith. KEith’s eyes widened in surprise but he wrapped his arm around Lance’s waist and their lips moved softly against each others.

Lnce pulled back and smiled brightly at Keith, pressing his forehead against the raven’s. “I could never forget you.” Lance said and Keith smiled. “Thanks.” KEith muttered.

Suddenly, the door was slammed open and idge stood in the opening. “WHERE THAT HOE AT!?!?!” Pidge yelled and LAnce jumped up, crawling off KEith as Pidge jumped onto Keith’s lap.

“Fucking Shiro didn't let any of us go aftet you, but Lance punched him, screaming some shit about finding his beloved and ran off.” Pidge claimed, hugging Keith. Keith laughed as LAnce’s face turned red.

“I DIDN'T SAY THAT!” he yelled. Hunk walked up to them. “Uh, Lance? You're exact words were ‘Once I find him, I’ll confess my love to him, so fuck you Shiro, you can go fuck yourself.’” Hunk recited as he walked up to them. Pidge slid off of Keith’s lap and back onto the floor.

Lance face was an even brighter shade of red and he threw his shoe at them. “SHUT UP!” he yelled and Keith smiled, turning to Lance. “‘I’ll confess my love to him’? I’m not sure you’ve gotten to that part yet…” Keith said and smiled at :ance, grabbing his hand once again.

“I love you,” Keith picked up Lance’s hand and pressed a kiss to the top of it and looked Lance in the eyes. “Lance.” LAnce’s face turned bright red and he tackled KEith again.

“I’ll never forget you.” Lance muttered against Keith’s neck. Keith laughed gently and hugged Lance. “Thank you for that.”


	8. A Punchable Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Lance wants people to fight him and Keith is just no

Lance grinned widely at the older teen in front of him, who was glaring at him. Lance was happy on the inside, it’s been a while after all, Pidge even mentioned it the other day, and this teen was perfect for it.

 

“You’re a year older right?” Lance asked smugly and he saw the raven haired boy frown, looking at him with something Lance knew all to well-Pity and anger.

 

Lance laughed it off, though, as the boy nodded. “Obviously.” the boy answered and Lance grinned, leaning backwards so he rested on the wall. “Keith Kogane, right? Name’s Lance. Heard you got kicked out of your old school. What? Did they not like you or something?” Lance asked smugly and he smirked, satisfied, as he watched Keith ball up his fist.

 

This was normally the part Lance enjoyed, when the other person threw the first punch, it colliding with his jaw. Though the punch never came and Lance’s smirk faltered a bit, but he still continued on with his rant, uncrossing his arms and spreading them out a bit, looking down at the other boy.

 

“Well, you should try your best not to screw up here, though that may be hard for someone like you. Heard you’ve gotten into lots of trouble. Maybe that’s why you have no friends?” Lance ranted, glaring at Keith, trying, trying to get the other boy to throw a punch.

 

Keith took a step forward and Lance inhaled because  _ please please please hit me _ was running through his head. Keith tilted his head. “Do you always get into fights?” Keith asked suddenly and Lance’s smirk dropped before he picked it up again, glaring a little at Keith.

 

“Nah, it’s because everyone loves me. Obviously. I’m amazing, so how could you not? Love me, that is.” Lance said, trying to act conceited. “Though I don't think anyone will actually like you, you look like trash, offense intended.” Lance was trying hard now, voice not as confident as before, pushing words out.

 

He just wanted this kid to fight him, to yell names at him, to make him bleed and suffer like the others made him, why wasn’t he punching him????

Keith moved even closer, though Lance didn't move. Keith tilted his head a little, examining Lance’s face and Lance tried to hold his face in the way he had it, but he knew his eyes gave it away, eyes did that.

  
  


Keith looked straight into Lance’s windows to his soul, gaze locked and he grinned a little. “You feel like trash and want to get that point proven, or something like that.” Keith claimed and Lance scoffed, though he knew the other was close.

 

“First, I wouldn’t be trash like you, I’d be recycling, and two, who’re you to go trying and guessing at my life? Yours i more pathetic, getting kicked out of one school, and after trying so hard you get in a low-rate school.” Lance fought back, voice cracking with desperation.

 

_ Just fucking hit me, make me suffer you insolent prick _ . Lance thought viciously. Keith looked at him, gaze softening a little. “If I hit you, you wouldn’t fight back, would you?” Keith asked slowly, voice low.

 

Lance chuckled, but his voice cracked as he laughed and he felt all resolve slip away. “There’d be no point, would it? If my goal is to get beaten up, I will. I don't care if it’s because of you or fucking Lotor. I’ll get beaten up by the end of the day.” Lance claimed and Keith frowned a little, watching as a tear fell down Lance’s cheek.

 

“Why do you want to get beaten up?” Keith asked, stern but caring. Lance let out a choked sob as he slid to the ground, shoulders shaking as he covered his face with his hands. “That’s-No one-If I hurt myself, that’d be lame. If everyone hates me, that’s better. If-If I’m hurt co-cause of other’s that’s great. Get-Getting hurt, bleeding, screaming in pain-it’s-I-It’s karma, probably, I like it.” Lance sobbed out, words muffled a little by his hands.

 

Keith eyes narrowed at Lance and Lance shifted a little when he felt the other boy place his hands on his shoulders.

 

“Why are you recycling?” Keith asked randomly, referring to what Lance said before and Lance let out a chuckled.

 

“Be-Because trash just gets burned, put out of its misery,” Lance said, personalizing trash somehow. “And recycling, it gets morphed, turned into something it didn't want to be, getting changed again and again until it’s not even the same thing it was before.” Lance said and Keith hugged him.

 

Lance was confused, he had just been insulting this boy, yet here he was hugging him and comforting him. Lanc felt he should push him away but he only hugged the other boy tighter, burying his face into Keith’s shoulder.

 

“Sometimes, when recycled things get changed, it’s a better thing, a newer amazing thing. Like a water bottle getting turned into a brush.” (yes that’s a thing, recycled brushes, trust me) Keith pointed out, eyes looking at Lance, whose face was still buried in his neck. “But than that brush can turned into a comb and it can get worse and better than worse.” Keith muttered as Lance cried into him

 

Lance gripped Keith’s shoulder as he pulled back and looked at Keith. “Than I keep getting worse, getting turned from a brush to a comb to a water bottle to a bottle cap. I'm worse and worse until I become so small, so noticeable and unwanted no one notices. I keep getting worse."

 

Keith tightened his grip on Lance too, and Lance was still wondering why the boy he’d been insulting was cheering him up. Or  trying too. Keith looked at him and inhaled. “You’re broken, but everything can be fixed.” Keith muttered and Lance looked at him strangely.

 

“Glass. Sticks. Glowsticks. Snow globes. A broken-in jacket. Some types of bones.  A Car tha--” “Shut up.” Keith interrupted, glaring at Lance a little, which made the other boy smile wickedly. “A broken pen, a desk that’s been cut in half, erasers definitely--” “You’re being annoying.” Keith interrupted again.

 

But Lance continued on, finally noting how he was able to push the other boys buttons, he could see that even though Keith was trying, he was dangling over an edge and about to find his ground, claiming his spot before he fell off.

 

“Earbuds, canvases, plates, cups, guitar---” And Lance went quiet, something hitting him harshly….on his lips…..and they were actually really soft.

 

Lance’s eyes widened as he realized Keith was kissing him, and didn't seem to be pulling back anytime soon. Keith’s hand gripped the back of Lance’s head, fingers tangled in hair and his other hand still rest on his hip, though now gripping him tightly.

 

Lance gasped out when Keith pulled back suddenly and Lance’s heart was beating, faster and faster and--- “I’m not going to fight you.” Keith said, eyes narrowed but concerned as they locked with Lance’s, the other boy still breathless.

 

“I’m not going to. But if you feel the need to get beat up, I’m pretty sure this is the better option. I don't want you to get beat up an--” “You just met me.” Lance interrupted, furious because he knew what Keith was saying

 

“I don't want you getting beat up,” Keith continued on. “And I’m sure your friends don't either.” “How do you know I have friends? Maybe I’m a loner.” Lance said, huffing and turning his head to the side, though neither of them moved away from each other.

 

“A small person, ‘bout yay-high, glasses and hair that stick out. Was wearing overalls today and another one. Big guy, tan and soft looking. Was wearing a yellow shirt.” Keith said and Lance’s face dropped. 

 

“I don't want you getting beat up,” Keith repeated for the millionth time. “And I don't care if you think it’s awkward, but you're calm now.” Keith pointed out and that's when Lance realized that indeed, yes, he was fine. He still wanted to get beat up and torn apart, but he was aso find right now not getting injured.

 

“So, as awkward as it seems. Whenever you’re upset or want to get into a fight, just come to me instead.” Keith said quietly and Lance rolled his eyes. “Predictable.” Lance muttered low enough that Keith didn't hear.

 

“You’re what, the uh, third person now to offer that? To suggest getting my problems solved through ‘romantic’ gestures, when in reality, in the end you're gonna blackmail me and shit. Yeah, no thanks but it’s an evergoing cycle for me and I’d personally rather suffer.” Lance said, trying to get away from Keith, but the other boy tightened his grip.

 

“Nope, that’s not an option. I said, whenever you're upset or want to get into a fight, come to me. I never said you had a choice.” Keith claimed, eyes still narrowed, but giving off a calmer vibe now. 

 

Lance huffed again, turning his head to the side but Keith just leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

 

Lace narrowed his eyes and tried to stand up again, successfully freeing himself from Keith’s grasp.

 

“Sure, whatever.” Lance mutters and walks away.

 

Lance got into a fight later that day, earning himself a black eye, bruised rib and a split lip. It wasn’t much of a challenge to get Lotor mad anymore, the dude had the restraint of a hungry dog in front of a pile of meat.

 

Lotor of curse, didn't get in trouble, when your dad is the principal, it’s sorta hard to get in trouble. Lance was told to go home, but he refused. When Lance had gotten to his science class, he shot Keith a cocky grin, sitting in his chair.

 

Keith glared at him but concentrated on class.

 

The next day though, Lance did go to Keith, pulling him aside.Keith followed without questions, smirking a little once they were alone. 

 

“I want to fucking yell and get everyone around me mad so they can all gang up on me and fucking punch my bloody into the ground.” Lance mumbled angrily, glaring at the ground. Keith smiled. “Well, congrats, you succeeded in not doing so.” Keith said mockingly and Lance looked up.

 

“Fuck--” Before Lance could finish his insult, Keith was already grabbing the back of his head, pressing his mouth onto Lance’s and silencing the other boy immediately.

 

And Lance let it happen, let himself  indulge in the feeling of the others warm lip on his, moving slowly and he gripped Keith’s upper arm, pulling himself closer. Keith smiled against the kiss almost mockingly and pushed himself closer before pulling away slowly.

 

“Better?” Keith asked, breathing slightly tic and Lance nodded. “Ye-yeah.” and it was true, Lance no longer wanted to spit out insults at every person he saw to just try and rile them up. He still wanted to get beat up, he always did, he just didn't feel the urge to right now.

 

Keith smiled and pulled back and Lance was sudel very-very- cold, yet he watched Keith leave with a smirk.

 

~~

 

It’s been four weeks of this, of Lance getting these weird urges to insult people, to get pummeled into the ground, to become a bloody mess of broken bones and bruises, and going to Keith instead, immediately pulling the other teen into an alley or dark classroom.

 

And Keith always made some insult, making Lance yell at him just to shut him up halfway through his sentence. It had just been kissing at first, than heavy makeouts, than pressing against each other as they did so. 

 

Lance didn't know when it started, just knew one day he woke up and suddenly realized “holy shit I like Keith.”  Though, Lance pushed down those feelings, knowing Keith didn't need an emotional mess of a person, who didn't even know what was wrong with himself. So he buried those feelings, though after figuring out he liked Keith, he did pull him to the side more, even sometimes when he didn't want to get beaten up.

 

Lance had tried to figure out what was wrong with him, why he constantly tried to get hurt, to get almost killed, sometimes he did want to get killed, though no one ever did. 

 

One day, Lance really wanted to tick someone off, to have them break his neck, to have him scream in pain, though he never did scream when he got beaten, wanted someone to punch him in the gut, making him cough out blood, to have someone gouge his eyes out.

 

Lance found Keith, gabbing the teen’s arm and dragging him into the space between the school and gym, which was a really narrow alley, and glared at the boy. “I want someone to kill me.” Lance muttered this time and Keith’s normally narrowed eyes widened in surprise. 

 

‘‘Well, you’d enjoy that, wouldn’t you?” Keith said slowly, not harshly like he always did. Lance glared at him, trying to keep up their normal routine but his glare didn't have any power to it, it made him seem as if h were squinting instead. “I don't-” Keith grabbed Lance’s shirt and pulled the other boy close.

 

Their lips connected but this time-this time was different. It wasn’t harsh and heat like their kisses normally were, there was no pushing against a wall or fighting for dominance. 

 

This kiss was soft, the two gripping onto each other for dear life instead of pushing each other, pulling towards the other. Their kiss was soft, still slightly heated as they moved their lips against each other.

 

Lance had tears running down his eyes as he kissed Keith and Keith held one hand against his cheek, wiping the tears away. This moment between them-it wasn’t for anyone person, wasn’t to get over fighting others, to get over stress, to not want to get beaten up.

 

No, this moment was for both of them, it was purely romantic and Lance could feel his heart racing, though he ignored it and lived in this moment unti Keith pulled away, pressing his head against Lance’s.

 

“Are you---You okay?” Keith asked softly and for once, Lance didn't just nod and walk away, instead he hugged Keith and cried into his shoulder, shaking his head.

 

“I don't-I don't know what’s wrong with me.” Lance mumbled into Keith’s shoulder and Keith placed one hand on Lance’s head, turning his head slightly to look at him. “What do you mean?” Keith asked softly, taking a step backwards so he was leaning against the wall.

 

Lance sniffled and hugged Keith tighter. “I-I want people to hurt me, to hurt me so bad sometimes I’d rather die. Sometimes I what them to kill me, but I don't want to kill myself and like, I-I I keep getting messed up, damaged but-IT’s-IT’s not like I hate myself. It’s not like I feel unwanted, I know I have friends, I know I have a family. I know I’m okay with my body, I’ve been told I look strong but-But-- for some reason I--” Lance broke out into sobs and Keith rested his head against Lance’s.

 

Keith used his other hand that wasn’t in Lance’s hair and rubbed soothing circles onto his back. “I-I don't know how to help.” Keith said quietly. Lance only buried his face deeper into Keith. “No one can help me.” Lance cried out.

 

An awkward silence passed between them, Lance letting out strange choked sobs, inhaling in a higher pitch voice that sounded as if he were wheezing. Keith closed his eyes, inhaling slowly.

 

“I love you.” Keith said suddenly and Lance let out a strange choking sound, turning to him, though his head didn't leave Keith’s shoulder. “Wh-what?” Lance asked, heaving a little from his crying fit.

 

“I love you.” Keith replied again. Lance looked at him, eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down his face and he hugged Keith tighter, burying his head once again in Keith’s shoulder. “I-I love you t-too.” Lance muttered. Keith inhaled slowly, rubbing small circles on Lance’s back and kissing his ear slightly. 

 

“Lance, can you look at me?” Keith asked quietly and Lance lifted his head, eyes locking with Keith’s, red and glistening. 

 

“What?” Lance whispered and Keith pressed a kiss to Lance’s cheek, then to his other cheek. “I love you, but I don't want you getting into fights anymore. Please?” Keith asked softly and Lance swallowed. 

 

After a moment of hesitation, Lance nodded. “I’ll try.” Lance murmured and ‘i’ll try’ is the answer Keith was looking for.

 

Keith smiled gently at the other boy and pressed a gentle, chaste kiss to Lance’s lips, slowly untangling himself from Keith and walking out, though he gripped the other’s hand tightly. Keith looked at the other boy as they entered the school, ignoring questions that were thrown their way.

 

“That’s all I want Lance, I want you to try.” Keith said, low enough only the other boy heard. Lance nodded and wiped at his face, trying to wipe away any tears. 

 

“Thank you.” Lance’s hoarse voice came out and Keith smiled softly. 

 

Lance went six months before getting into a fight again, and that fight was purely because someone was teasing Pidge, making fun of her, and that was not allowed. 

 

At all.


	9. Why Is My Body So Hideous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Langst

**Lance's P.O.V.**

 

You're asking me how I feel. And I’m telling you ‘fine.’ Your purple eyes look into my blue ones and ask me if I’m really fine and I lie again. Can you please stop making me lie??

 

I hang out in the kitchen with Hunk, who’s making us snacks. I make jokes and I smile, but throughout the day it’s getting harder and harder to keep it there. No one notices, because I’m a very good actor. That’s the only thing I do good. Act. Everyone says I’m good at other things, at fighting, shooting, helping, cooking. You say I’m good.

 

But I don't see it. 

 

I laugh, it sounds so fake I cringe, but no one cares enough to notice. Not even you Keith, I thought you’d understand, but you don't even notice. 

 

I get it, I smile, I joke, I act like everything is okay. I’m doing a good job.

 

BUT WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE JUST NOTICE!??!

 

NOTICE I’M NOT FINE!? 

 

THAT I’M SUFFERING WHILE I TRY AND KEEP THIS SMILE?!!?!

 

WHEN WILL ANYONE NOTICE?!

 

I’m not who you think.

 

I’m not the way you think I am, I’m not this confident flirt, I’m not someone who believes in themselves, I hate myself.

 

I’m hideous. 

 

My face, sure I wear face masks, sure you all joke about it. I wear those because I’m trying to make my face better, like those models who are on the cover. My face is oily, though you may not see, I do. I hate it.

 

My thighs are the fat, they puff out when I sit. I mentioned it once, “You’re like a stick,” Shiro said. Where? Where am I like that??? I see others who are much thinner and happy. People love them. Why don't you guys love me?

 

My arms, my non-existent muscles, my fat stomach, I can see it all. I know you guys can too, but when I mention it, you feel pity and tell me lies, tell me I'm fine how I am.

 

WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS LIE?!

 

I’m weak, I get dizzy, but I play it off as clumsy instead of almost fainting. You guys don't notice, HOW COULD YOU NOT NOTICE?!?!

 

I fight with you, Keith. Sure, yeah, I tease you. I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone, I didn't even hate Zarkon.

 

The only person I hate is me. 

 

My body isn’t perfect, so I starve myself. Though not completely, for you’d notice. I want you to notice, though, but I don't want it to be obvious.

 

I want someone to help me!

 

I eat breakfast. Except…. I don't. I’ll drink something, pretend to eat, then throw it out once you guys are all gone.

 

I eat lunch, I eat all of it because we are all there and I don't want Hunk to feel upset.

 

I never eat dinner. You guys can’t even tell, because Pidge has something to show you, something to tell you guys every night. I don't eat, and you guys never check.

 

Everything tastes like sawdust now, there’s only a few things that make me actually like the taste. I want to throw up when I eat too much, but there’s nowhere for me to do so.

 

I can feel my stomach burning, shrinking, but it’s never enough.

 

I’m too fat, too clumsy. Too untalented. You guys say I'm your friend, you guys care. I’m sure you did, for a moment or so some point in your life.

 

But admit it, I’M JUST A BURDEN!!

 

NO ONE WANTS ME.

 

NO ONE EVER DOES.

 

NOT EVEN YOU KEITH!! I KNOW YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME, BUT SO DID HUNK AND SHAY AND NOW LOOK AT THEM, THEY’RE SEPARATED, AND HAPPY. 

 

YOU PROBABLY PITY ME.

 

Everyone does. 

 

No one cares. Why would you guys like me???

 

I don't even like me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM NOT OKAY (I PROMISE)-MCR
> 
> SO IGNORING HOW THIS IS TOTALLY ALL MY OWN INSECURITIES, LET'S FOCUS ON THE FACT VOLTRON SEASON 6 COMES OUT FRIDAY, YEAH?!?!


End file.
